The innocence of Spring

I knew when Cameron died that Spring would never be the same again. This has indeed come to pass.

Spring has become a hard season.

Last year, the anxiety and dread of Cameron’s impending interment distracted me from Spring.

This year, I have come to realise that Spring has forever changed.

Spring has lost its innocence.

I smell the fresh air, but I cannot actually enjoy it.

I see the sunshine and the blue sky, yet I cannot fully appreciate it.

I see the flowers and I hear the birds, yet they do not make my heart sing. My heart aches instead.

When I was young, Spring brought hope and excitement. Now, it reminds me of loss and pain.

Spring shattered our hopes and plunged us into despair. Spring showed no mercy.

Today was a beautiful Spring Saturday. We lost Cameron on a Saturday like this. I can never forget. I shall never forget.

How am I meant to embrace Spring the way that I used to?

As Spring approaches, so too does the anniversary of Cameron’s death.

As Spring emerges, so too do the many memories of 2007 – of the weeks leading up to that fateful Spring and of the downward spiral into darkness that followed.

I miss the innocence of Spring. It is forever lost to me.

Tagged as: anniversary, death, spring