by Rhonda Mason on July 28, 2008
These last couple of days have been grey and bleary, much like the weather itself.
We’ve been missing Cameron deeply. Rick and I have both been very aware of his absence throughout the day, especially when the night grows dark and quiet.
It is strange how even though our lives are so full of activity and busyness, such an acute sense of emptiness continues to prevail in our family and home.
Angus continues to bring much joy and excitement to our lives. I love feeling my tummy jiggle from his constant movements. It is hard to believe in less than three months, we might finally be able to meet him and hold him in our arms.
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by Rhonda Mason on July 27, 2008
As I was walking back to the church building from the tennis courts, where the others were enjoying games of tennis, I found myself suddenly being weighed down by sadness and loneliness.
I knew Rick was still packing up from church so I went there to look for him. He came out with Tim just as I was walking up the footpath. I went straight towards him, and as I reached him, my face crumpled and I burst into tears.
“I’m so sad, Rick,” I cried into his chest.
I cried for some time as Rick held me and Tim watched on.
It was a relief to be able to let it out, and it was quite nice and comforting that Tim was there with us.
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by Rhonda Mason on July 26, 2008
It was Emma and Richard’s wedding today.
It was lovely to be part of their wonderful day. They looked so happy. Aunty Bronny and Uncle David looked very happy too.
Rick and I sat in the third row behind mum and dad at the church. As we were waiting for Emma to arrive with her bridesmaids, Rick and I watched as dad played with Liam and Hayden who were sitting in the front row with Adam.
The two brothers were looking even more alike than the last time we saw them, and they were both growing up so fast. I had looked at photos of Liam’s 4th birthday on Naomi’s Facebook just earlier in the week, and today he was indeed looking like a mature, young boy.
Watching dad with Liam and Hayden made me think of Cameron. He would’ve been more than ten months old today. It was so sad that he wasn’t there to spend the day with us, so sad that dad didn’t get to play with his own grandson.
Just as these thoughts were running through my mind, Rick leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I wish dad had his own grandchild to play with…”
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by Rhonda Mason on July 25, 2008
Rick came home today looking very sad.
He had just been holding Miles, he told me.
Miles was James and Lee-Ann’s son. He was Eurasian like Cameron.
But more significantly, Miles was born on exactly the same day as Cameron last year.
I hugged him as he told me, as I knew exactly how he must’ve felt, and we spent quite some time crying on the couch together.
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by Rhonda Mason on July 24, 2008
Four years ago today, Rick and I were married.
These four years have been the best years of our lives, even though this last year has been the hardest of our lives.
We are so blessed to have one another. We are so thankful to God. Everyday, we are thankful.
Today should’ve been a great day of joy and celebration.
Yet it has been tinged with much tears and sadness, as we mourned the fact that we don’t have Cameron with us.
Cameron, our very own flesh and blood.
As we enter our fifth year of marriage, we do so having conceived our first child, carried him to full term, given birth to our first child, buried him and everyday having to live with his absence from our lives.
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