by Rhonda Mason on October 31, 2007
These last few days have been a confusing blur: a mixed pot of emotions and feelings.
On one hand, i am able to get out of bed these days and just push on and do stuff. I seem to be able to block out the pain and the sadness during the day – at least long enough to reply client emails, raise quotations, complete the BAS, lodge our multiple tax returns and even get some design work done.
But once I stop, all the grief – with its many physical symptoms – comes gushing out to the surface. There are tears and there is anxiety. I feel tense and I feel uneasy. My stomach churns with discomfort. I can’t relax and I can’t breathe. Even nausea also makes an appearance.
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by Rhonda Mason on October 30, 2007
Often I feel so alone in my grief. I feel that others don’t miss Cameron as much as I do. Rationally, I know that this is understandable and to be expected, but it still makes me so sad to think it.
I was looking at his album earlier. He is so gorgeous, so beautiful. He is our Cameron. Our Son. Our first child. And always will be.
I yearn for people to see what I see when I look at him. To feel what I feel. To understand fully what a loss and tragedy it is that he’s not here. To not just feel sorry for our loss, but to feel sad that they didn’t get to meet him because he died too soon.
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by Rhonda Mason on October 28, 2007
I was exhausted today from a late night and an hour lost in the morning due to daylight saving.
I had encouraging talks at church with Christine, Ann and Laura. Amongst other things, they all had comforting words to share about Cameron. Church is a true blessing – a true taste of what is to come.
Kitty picked me up from church and we headed off to Agnes’ hens ‘do’ out at the Loft at King Street Wharf.
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by Rhonda Mason on October 27, 2007
Today was Kenny and Matle’s wedding day. It had finally arrived.
The weather was gorgeous and it was just breathtaking to marvel at the water views during the drive to St Michael’s in Vaucluse. Yet again I was reminded of God’s amazing creation. I thought briefly of heaven and what a glorious place it must be if this was only a small taste of what is to come.
At the service, I did the bible reading on love from 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. I was quite pleased to be able to do that for Kenny. I had to choke back my tears as I read versus 7 and 8: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” That was exactly how I felt about Cameron, even though I knew that that wasn’t the context in which Paul wrote the letter.
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by Rhonda Mason on October 26, 2007
We spent a pleasant evening tonight at Rick’s parents’ place.
It was Gus’ birthday dinner and mum had prepared a delicious roast with vegies and lots of gravy. Then there was peach crumble and ice-cream for dessert as well as Lindt chocolate and Belgium toffee. It was simply sumptuous.
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